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Captivity by the ego The moment you are born, you are empty and clean. Without preferences, opinions, judgments, and even without any thoughts. But as you grow as a baby, you learn things; you notice when you cry, you get food or something to drink, and your diaper gets changed. This is how the first conditionings are formed. And how your parents treat you, how they feel, and the energy they bring with them and radiate will gradually shape you as a person. As a baby, you are so open to influences and energy from your environment, especially from your parents. You copy certain facial expressions and learn certain skills. As you get older you develop preferences, opinions, etc. As a child, you join a sport that you like, or rather, think you like. After all, how many of us, as children, take up a sport that one of our parents also likes or does, or perhaps because a friend does it? You form opinions about other children based on the norms and values you have adopted from your parents, or opinions from other peers. And so, as you get older, there are all kinds of external influences that shape and condition you as a person. And the "choices" you make stem less and less from who you were at birth, and more and more from your formed new self (ego). That ego, with which you identify more and more, consequently becomes stronger and claims a right to exist within you. And it will do whatever it takes to continue existing. For more and more people, depending on how strongly that ego has been shaped over the years, a feeling or little voice will emerge from deep inside. This indicates that something is wrong not only with that formed little self, but also with the people around you and the world. You come into increasing conflict with everything, and more and more resistance arises. These are often the first signals for people to start delving into topics of personal development and/or spirituality. Hopefully, along this path, you will encounter one of the most important philosophical questions: ‘who am I?’ or ‘what am I?’. A good way to gain more insight into this is primarily to ask the opposing question: ‘who or what am I not?’. Try doing this, peeling of layer by layer, examining, analyzing, and being critical to see what remains at the end of the line and who and what you really are…
Emptiness Sometimes you don't know what to do; you feel that you want to do something but don't know what. You feel the urge to do something, but you don't know what. Doing nothing and sitting still brings restlessness to your body, restlessness to your head, restlessness to your mind, so it is actually not an option. So you just start tidying and cleaning your house, or call a friend. Yes, seeking distraction is what most of us do. The mobile phone has probably been number one for the last few years. Everywhere you look, most people are on their mobiles, with no eye for the people around them and the environment as a whole. There are probably more people addicted to that thing than we would like to think. But if that distraction isn't enough and that restless feeling persists, we turn to other addictions such as alcohol, drugs, sex, etc., just to stop feeling that feeling. But it feels too unpleasant that we are too afraid to take a good look at it and investigate what it is and where it comes from. Just try doing it. Most people get the chance for this every day; even if they try their best to stay busy and seek distraction, there are always a few moments when the feeling of emptiness knocks at your door. The more you try not to feel it, the stronger it comes back each time. You don't want to feel it, and by constantly trying to find distractions, you deny that part of yourself. But if you sometimes would take that step and investigate what it is, that unpleasant, restless feeling. Does it feel like you are missing something, a void that you need to fill with something? This is why people constantly try to fill these moments with other activities such as those mentioned earlier, alcohol, drugs, sex, relationships etc. to fill that gap. This is also one of the reasons why many people struggle to be alone. We think that we are the self of the personality formed from birth. Shaped by our character traits, opinions, and beliefs. We identify with this as the 'I', which feels like who you are. Only that, and nothing more. And what about that emptiness you feel? Why do you keep experiencing it despite doing so many fun things in your life? Could there perhaps be a reason for it being there after all? Just sit down quietly and try not to push it away or seek distraction, but simply let it be there completely. Perhaps you feel a lot of resistance, or become anxious or nervous. Just let it be there completely; think of it this way: what is the worst that can happen? Try to embrace it and identify with it fully. From the perspective of Buddhism, among others, the formed so called self is seen as the ego, and that emptiness is the greater something or nothing. That you must let go of the ego because it is precisely the ego that is the unreal, and it is the emptiness in which everything originates. The mutual interdependence of emptiness implies that everything is interconnected. You could also change the word emptiness as universe, consciousness, God, or whatever is applicable to you. This is also where everything originates, including your personality or ego, which is not bad in itself or something you should let go of completely, as is sometimes said. But you do see it for what it is. What it comes down to is that every single day you get the chance to connect with that emptiness that knocks neatly on your door day after day. For most people, this remains very frightening because they fully identify with their ego. And that ego does everything it can to hold its own. The ego loves drama, control, that emotional rollercoaster. And it is very afraid that if you connect with something else, something bigger, then there is a good chance that the entire ego will be seen through and collapse like a house of cards. Of course, I advise you to do this because it can bring you so much beauty and there will actually be a shift in your consciousness. But in the end it’s up to you to make that step.
The ripple effect Sometimes you have those days when everything is blah. When you don't feel like doing anything or don't want to interact with anyone. But you still have to leave the house to do some grocery shopping. On the way, you walk reluctantly towards the store, with your eyes fixed on the ground. You happen to look up briefly because someone is walking towards you and you want to be absolutely sure you don't bump into each other. The moment you make eye contact, the person says hello in a friendly manner. Somewhat surprised and taken aback, you say hello back at the last moment. You notice that your eyes are now slightly less fixed on the ground and you are looking around a bit more. Arriving at the store, you grab a cart outside. Just as you are about to enter the store, someone else arrives at the entrance at the same time. This person smiles kindly and says, "Please go ahead." You smile back and say, "Thank you." Feeling a bit more cheerful, you walk through the store and pick up the items you need. Arriving at the checkout, there is a long line. But you are already feeling more okay, you shrug your shoulders, and you even let someone go ahead of you who only has a few items. Arriving at the cashier, you smile kindly, whereupon she spontaneously strikes up a short conversation with you about someone who was ahead of you and who tried to teach her a few words of a foreign language. Once outside, you are cheerful and aware of your surroundings. You want to return your shopping cart but see someone walking up and offer it to this person. They are grateful and walk towards the store with a smile. This is a beautiful example of the wonderful effect the ripple effect can have, not only for yourself but also for other people. Often, we are the ones who have a positive effect on others. But sometimes, when you are having a bad day yourself, there are others who provide you with some positive energy. My personal motto is ‘lead by example,’ but of course, everyone has a bad day now and then, which is okay too. I find it very beautiful to see that the universe lets you experience that you get back what you give. And all those expressions like, ‘You reap what you sow,’ and ‘what goes around comes around,’ and of course, the meaning of karma. It almost seems like a universal law... You yourself can mean so much to someone with such a small act of kindness, like a smile or a friendly gesture. This causes a person to feel better in their energy, which they then pass on to the next person or persons, and so on. Naturally, this can have a ripple effect on so many other people. People aren’t always aware of this or say, "Why would I do that? Others don't do this for me." If everyone thought like that, nothing would ever change in the world as it is right now. But fortunately, there are more and more people who are doing this. And there are increasingly more people who are aware of this, even though it sometimes feels like the opposite. If you have the tools, try to be a light for yourself and the people around you. Be kind and helpful to others. Of course, do so from authenticity and selflessness, not by expecting or wanting something in return, or by going far beyond your own boundaries. You will experience how much you get back in return, which actually makes it a win-win situation. And in this way, just like with the group meditations, to make that world a little bit better, step by step, and to increase the ripple effect.
The ripple effect Sometimes you have those days when everything is blah. When you don't feel like doing anything or don't want to interact with anyone. But you still have to leave the house to do some grocery shopping. On the way, you walk reluctantly towards the store, with your eyes fixed on the ground. You happen to look up briefly because someone is walking towards you and you want to be absolutely sure you don't bump into each other. The moment you make eye contact, the person says hello in a friendly manner. Somewhat surprised and taken aback, you say hello back at the last moment. You notice that your eyes are now slightly less fixed on the ground and you are looking around a bit more. Arriving at the store, you grab a cart outside. Just as you are about to enter the store, someone else arrives at the entrance at the same time. This person smiles kindly and says, "Please go ahead." You smile back and say, "Thank you." Feeling a bit more cheerful, you walk through the store and pick up the items you need. Arriving at the checkout, there is a long line. But you are already feeling more okay, you shrug your shoulders, and you even let someone go ahead of you who only has a few items. Arriving at the cashier, you smile kindly, whereupon she spontaneously strikes up a short conversation with you about someone who was ahead of you and who tried to teach her a few words of a foreign language. Once outside, you are cheerful and aware of your surroundings. You want to return your shopping cart but see someone walking up and offer it to this person. They are grateful and walk towards the store with a smile. This is a beautiful example of the wonderful effect the ripple effect can have, not only for yourself but also for other people. Often, we are the ones who have a positive effect on others. But sometimes, when you are having a bad day yourself, there are others who provide you with some positive energy. My personal motto is ‘lead by example,’ but of course, everyone has a bad day now and then, which is okay too. I find it very beautiful to see that the universe lets you experience that you get back what you give. And all those expressions like, ‘You reap what you sow,’ and ‘what goes around comes around,’ and of course, the meaning of karma. It almost seems like a universal law... You yourself can mean so much to someone with such a small act of kindness, like a smile or a friendly gesture. This causes a person to feel better in their energy, which they then pass on to the next person or persons, and so on. Naturally, this can have a ripple effect on so many other people. People aren’t always aware of this or say, "Why would I do that? Others don't do this for me." If everyone thought like that, nothing would ever change in the world as it is right now. But fortunately, there are more and more people who are doing this. And there are increasingly more people who are aware of this, even though it sometimes feels like the opposite. If you have the tools, try to be a light for yourself and the people around you. Be kind and helpful to others. Of course, do so from authenticity and selflessness, not by expecting or wanting something in return, or by going far beyond your own boundaries. You will experience how much you get back in return, which actually makes it a win-win situation. And in this way, just like with the group meditations, to make that world a little bit better, step by step, and to increase the ripple effect.
Yourself as basis Have you ever felt like you were on your own in life? That life was letting you down? That you couldn't ask anyone for help? Everyone has probably experienced this at least once or more. But the beauty of this is realizing that you are the foundation yourself, and that fundamentally, you are indeed on your own. To most of us, this doesn't sound very encouraging and might well evoke feelings of fear, sadness, or resistance. Which is understandable, because wouldn't we all want to fall back on something or someone when we are struggling and just don't know what to do anymore? In the past, as a child, you could do that with your parents. But as you get older, you probably start to realize that they don't know everything either, that they too have their own problems and unresolved traumas. Unfortunately, some children have parents they cannot rely on from a young age. And they learned back then that they had to do it alone, with all the consequences that entails. More information on that in another post. However, realizing more in adulthood that you sometimes stand alone can be a wonderful impetus for taking a step towards personal growth. These moments of feeling alone can help you turn inward and find and experience within yourself the support and strength you normally seek from others. People have so much more (inner) strength than they realize. And what is more beautiful than finding the strength in difficult moments to come to a solution yourself or to endure a difficult situation? Every time you succeed in doing this, you will be more present, and it will give you a boost in self-worth and self-confidence. You are the foundation of yourself; it sounds logical, but in practice, it often seems to be the opposite. People who constantly lean on others and thereby relinquish their responsibility. But also blame others when something happens to them or they are treated in a certain way. When someone touches you emotionally, you often blame the other person but forget to look at your own contribution. So instead of pointing the finger at the other person, reflect on what you could have done or said differently. And reflect on why it affected you so deeply. Also try to be alone more often so that you have the opportunity to connect with yourself without noise and influence from others. Feel what is going on inside you, feel what you need, and be there for yourself. You will become stronger little by little, although in the beginning this might evoke some resistance or fear because you may not be used to it and a lot of thoughts about all sorts of things will arise. Should that happen, try to just let it be, without resistance, judgment, or paying too much attention to it. You only need to observe how they come and go. Little by little, you will build a strong foundation and feel less dependent on others. You will learn to trust yourself more, and the feeling that you constantly need to surround yourself with people will likely diminish significantly. What others think of you will also have less influence on you because you learn to believe in yourself more and more, causing your self-worth to grow. The art is to see yourself as the foundation of your happiness. To be content with yourself as the basis of everything. So that the rest of your life, such as relationships, money, a nice job, status, and beautiful possessions, feels like a kind of bonus. Because if you can be content with just yourself, everything else will become much less important. And that constant urge for these kinds of things will partially or completely disappear. As a result, you will experience life in a much more relaxed way. Of course, it is nice to have friends and family who support you, and I certainly wouldn't say that you should never make use of that. But try to solve things on your own sometimes, and try to be alone for a few days a month, because there is a great opportunity for personal growth there.